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The Anti Comment Spam Manifesto

No one likes comment spam. Here’s a humorous look at comment spam and a couple of rules to help avoid being a comment spammer. Be nice, this is my first attempt at a whimsical post :D

  1. Get a gravatar.
  2. The field that says “name”, well, that typically is asking for your name. If your name actually is “Buy Cialis”, you must be very, very young and your parents must have a horrible, horrible sense of humor.
  3. Join a discussion. Talk about something. “Closet Spam” or “Compliment Spam” is just as bad — If I truly had a subscriber and a frequent visitor for every spam comment I’ve gotten saying “nice post, I just subscribed and I’ll be back more often”, my Alexa rank would be top 10. For shame. Would you like it if I knocked on your door 100 times in one afternoon shouting, “I like your house, I like your house!!”
  4. Run your comments through a grammar and spell check. The latest craze in spammers seems to be writing as though they are Borat, your best Kazakhstani friend – “Ehlo, etta Borat. Blog to like I do. Very nice!!”
  5. Really? “asdfyu ojdf fhyeifj sdf” with a backlink to “www.yowhfhi.com”?? Your website doesn’t even exist there buddy… Do I need a English-Wookie translator?
  6. chewy

  7. Given the number of “where’s a fresh joke from the net” comments that show up in my spam filter, I think it’s only fair if I get to fire one back:
  8. How many spammers does it take to grease a combine?
    Only one if you run him through slowly!

Alrighty, that’s a start. Anyone got anymore rules to live by, please comment below. (Have mercy on Drew you spam-a-holics.)

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