[Editor’s note: This is a cheeky and comical version of our Proptech Earnings Radar for Q3 2025. It’s is written entirely with AI using Gemini. If you want the serious version, head over to the original article on Crystal, or join GEM.]

Gather ’round, fellow inhabitants of the real estate future! The bean counters have spoken, and the Q3 2025 results for the titans of proptech are officially in. Think of this as the Cribs episode for the companies that think they own your sofa—but instead of champagne rooms, we’re talking Net Income and EBITDA.

This is Part 1, where we nervously peel back the curtain on the ten “most important” players. Part 2 will follow soon, complete with a glorious, headache-inducing table summarizing the whole 26-company shebang in the GEM Proptech Index.

But for now… let’s dive into the financial deep end! (Don’t worry, we brought floaties.)

(Quick Market Cap Note: These numbers were taken at the end of the day, November 10th. They’re basically yesterday’s gossip.)

🏢 Company Snapshots: The Good, The Bad, and The Utterly Confusing

Airbnb: The Global Sleepover Champ 😴

Airbnb continues its world domination, posting a $4.1B revenue (up a respectable 10% YoY). Apparently, everyone still needs a place to crash that isn’t their own house. Gross bookings hit a whopping $22.9B (up 14% YoY)—that’s a lot of spare keys.

Their Net income decided to play hard to get, slightly shrinking by 1.5% to $1.37B, which they immediately excused as “flat on a constant currency basis.” Sure, Airbnb, blame the money translation app.

• Market Cap: $72.88B (Big House on the Block)
• The Drama:
  • Adjusted EBITDA went up to $2.05B, but the margin got a little flabby, dropping 200 bps to 50%. Tsk-tsk.
  • The Implied take rate (the cut they skim) dipped to 17.9%. They’re so rich, they’re practically leaving money on the table.
  • They’re officially an app-based relationship: App-booked nights are up 17% and now represent 62% of total nights. No one uses the website anymore—it’s all about that pocket-sized booking convenience.
  • They’re getting into “Services and Experiences,” with 110,000 potential hosts signing up. Get ready for your next host to offer you a “Curated Alpaca Grooming Experience.”

Zillow: Exceeding Expectations (Their Own) 🏡

Zillow waltzed in, exceeded the high end of their outlook, and declared victory with $676M revenue (up 16% YoY). They even managed a $10M GAAP net income, escaping the dreaded loss column for a change!

• Market Cap: $17.56B (The Slightly-Less-Big House on the Block)
• The Drama:
  • Average monthly unique visitors are now 250M. That’s basically everyone you know, plus a few million highly dedicated window-shoppers, obsessively checking what their ex’s new place is worth.
  • Mortgages revenue shot up 36% to $53M. Turns out, people like looking at houses and getting loans for them. Who knew?
  • Their fancy Showcase program (where the listings look extra nice) is on 3.2% of new U.S. listings. They’re also throwing in AI-powered virtual staging. Because nothing says “cozy home” like a digital sofa that doesn’t actually exist.
  • They’re on a quest for “Enhanced Markets” to make up 75% of connections. It sounds important, so let’s assume it is.

Procore: The Farewell Tour (And a New Boss) 🏗️

In a moment of high drama, this was outgoing CEO Tooey’s “Courtmance” (his last hurrah) at the helm. Procore saw revenue increase 14.5% to $339M. He’s leaving the building on a high note, narrowing the GAAP net loss to a mere $9.1M (down from $26.39M last year).

• Market Cap: $12.31B (The Construction Site)
• The Drama:
  • Their non-GAAP operating margin expanded nicely to 17%. Money well spent, apparently.
  • They have a new sheriff in town! Ajei Gopal, an enterprise software veteran, is taking over. Tooey, the founder since 2002, gets to be Chairman and watch from the safe distance of the Boardroom. It’s the circle of corporate life.
  • They even authorized a $300M share repurchase program. A nice little thank you gift for the shareholders.

eXp: The Agent Exodus? 📉

eXp saw revenue up 7% to $1.3B, but their net income took a serious nosedive, dropping 58% to $3.5M. They moved $54.1B in gross transaction volume, which is a big number, but where’s the profit, guys?

• Market Cap: $1.68B (The Brokerage That’s Just Trying Its Best)
• The Drama:
  • They ended the quarter with 83,446 agents, which is actually down 2% YoY. This is the part where you start quietly asking, “Are the agents leaving?”
  • Their Adjusted EBITDA fell 26% to $17.7M. Less exciting than last year, isn’t it?
  • They’re giving credit to AI for decreasing their unit transaction processing cost from $621 to $523. Thank you, robots, for saving us money on paperwork!
  • Expansion is still the name of the game, with plans to launch in Luxembourg, the Netherlands, and Romania. Because clearly, the world needs more real estate agents.

CoStar: The Grown-Up Who Still Fights in the Sandbox 🥊

CoStar has achieved the seemingly impossible: 58th consecutive quarter of double-digit revenue growth (up 20% YoY to $834M). Unfortunately, they booked a net loss of $31M this quarter—a stark contrast to last year’s $53M net income. Whoops.

• Market Cap: $28.49B (The Aggressive Older Sibling)
• The Drama:
  • They saw massive growth in net new bookings (up 92% YoY to $84M). Someone’s been busy!
  • Homes.com is clearly the pet project, adding 7,035 new agent subscribers—a frankly insane 1000% YoY increase. CEO Andy Florance then used the earnings call to crow that they have “roughly five times” the listings of Zillow’s comparable showcase listings. Ouch.
  • Speaking of Zillow, Andy Florance spent a good five minutes of the call (8% of the session!) just straight-up attacking Zillow and rehashing their lawsuit. The drama is unreal. Get the popcorn.
  • They also closed their acquisition of Australian-based Domain. Everything’s bigger in Australia, even the acquisitions.

Compass: The Record-Breaker (With a Paper Loss) 🥇

Compass hit the high end of their guidance and set their best Q3 in company history with $1.85B revenue (up 23.6% YoY). Of course, they still reported a GAAP net loss of $4.6M. (They blame a $7.5M expense related to the Anywhere Real Estate agreement, claiming they would have had a $2.9M net income otherwise. We believe you, Compass.)

• Market Cap: $4.93B (The Top Agent)
• The Drama:
  • Adjusted EBITDA shot up an impressive 80% to $93.6M. That’s the good kind of upward movement.
  • They added 4,008 principal agents. More agents, more problems—er, profits.
  • CEO Robert Reffkin got a sudden surge of confidence, raising the cost synergy target for the Anywhere merger from $225M+ to over $300M. Go big or go home, right?
  • Their new “Make Me Sell” listings are up 17.6% sequentially. The market is officially desperate.

Blend Labs: Shrinking, But Still Exceeding 🤏

Blend Labs saw total revenue of $32.86M, which is down 73 bps YoY. But hey, it was above the midpoint of expectations! Their non-GAAP income from operations was $4.6M, handily beating guidance. Small victories, people.

• Market Cap: $779.24M (The Niche Player)
• The Drama:
  • The Mortgage Suite segment is shrinking (down 18% YoY), but the Consumer Banking Suite is picking up the slack, growing 34% to $12.72M. Diversification!
  • They’re dealing with the fallout of the Mr. Cooper acquisition. They fully expect Mr. Cooper’s volume to roll off their platform by 2026. Basically, their ex is moving out and taking their stuff.
  • They repurchased 1.6M shares. A small gesture to remind everyone they still care.

Opendoor: The Great Inventory Clearance 📉

In Kaz Nejatian’s first earnings call as CEO, things were… complicated. Opendoor purchased a mere 1,169 homes (down 67% YoY) and sold 2,568 homes (down 29% YoY). The focus is clearly on shrinking the backlog.

• Market Cap: $6.16B (The iBuyer Trying to Break Even)
• The Drama:
  • Revenue decreased 34% YoY to $915M. Oof.
  • Gross profit was $66M, and their gross margin shrank to 7.2%. The margins are thinner than a sheet of paper.
  • The most telling number: 51% of their inventory has been listed longer than 120 days. That’s half of their inventory that’s basically collecting dust.
  • They’re playing defense on their balance sheet, raising $200M and refinancing notes to “manage dilution.” It sounds like they’re patching holes in the sinking ship, but they insist it’s strategic!
  • They launched a new public investor portal. Because what retail shareholders need most is direct access to the stressful performance data!

Rocket: The Acquisition Maestro 🚀

Rocket blasted off with $1.605B in GAAP revenue (up a massive 148% YoY), almost hitting the low end of their guidance. They dramatically improved their GAAP net loss to a relatively tame $124M (compared to last year’s shudder $481M loss).

• Market Cap: $48.10B (The Loan Shark, But Nicer)
• The Drama:
  • Their Adjusted EBITDA grew a solid 22% to $349M. The good news is they’re making money; the bad news is they’re spending a ton on people and ads—Salaries, commissions, and benefits are up 44%, and Marketing is up 37%.
  • The Redfin integration is “exceeding expectations.” Apparently, 500K+ Redfin users started financing applications with Rocket in September. That’s a match made in financial heaven.
  • Following the Mr. Cooper acquisition, their former CEO and Chairman, Jay Bray, is now the President and CEO of Rocket Mortgage. It’s like a corporate game of musical chairs.

News Corp (Digital Real Estate): Just Chugging Along 📰

The publishing giant’s Digital Real Estate Services segment (mostly Realtor.com) saw $479M in revenue (up 5% YoY). Their EBITDA was also up 13% to $158M. Nothing wild, just steady progress.

• Market Cap: $15.79B (The Media Conglomerate)
• The Drama:
  • Realtor.com’s unique visitors declined 6% to 72M. Less browsing for dream homes on their platform, apparently.
  • They had a one-time gain from the “absence of $12M of deal costs” after they wisely withdrew their offer to acquire Rightmove. Sometimes, the best deal is the one you don’t make.
  • They’re selling off or discontinuing their housing efforts in Australia and India. “PropTiger” is gone, and “Housing Edge” is being discontinued. Farewell, global aspirations!

Disclaimer: This entire article is for pure entertainment and does not constitute financial, investment, or any other kind of advice. If you make investment decisions based on our jokes, you’ve only got yourself to blame. We’re not responsible if you lose money. Seriously.